Fabulous relationship is not a result of hours, days or years of hard working.  Terri L. Orbuch, Ph.D., who followed 373 couples for over 22 years as part of a marriage study funded by the National Institutes of Health. “It’s small changes in behavior and attitude that can transform your relationship.”

Secret 1. Understand Each Other’s Needs

Most of us believe that the main reason relationships break up is conflict, financial issues, communication problems, or sexual incompatibility. Dr. Orbuch thinks that the main reason is frustration, day-to-day disappointment of the gap between what you expect and how your partner acts. “To diffuse that frustration, share your expectations with each other. Maybe you desire more affection and he craves more relaxed couple time. “And be sure to check in with your partner once a year, as added pressures or life changes can create new expectations,” Orbuch says.

And you thought it was going to be hard! Nothing will motivate a guy to reciprocate affection like approval. It’s hard to overstate this. Approval is what he wants the most, inside his deepest, little-boy self, and when he gets it — lots of it — his hard wiring will have him giving back to you in spades. So, whether you want cuddling, compliments or a night on the town, here are five suggestions to get things started.

1. He has forgotten his ex