Secret 1. Understand Each Other’s Needs

Most of us believe that the main reason relationships break up is conflict, financial issues, communication problems, or sexual incompatibility. Dr. Orbuch thinks that the main reason is frustration, day-to-day disappointment of the gap between what you expect and how your partner acts. “To diffuse that frustration, share your expectations with each other. Maybe you desire more affection and he craves more relaxed couple time. “And be sure to check in with your partner once a year, as added pressures or life changes can create new expectations,” Orbuch says.

Secret 2. Show Him Some Love
In our society, women are complimented from work, family and friends. “I love your hair”, “Sexy dress”…And men don’t get that recognition. Have you heard any comment to men about their sexy pants or hair at work? Men need as much appreciation as women. Give theme affirmation, show they are appreciated, respected, and loved. Men rely on that attention from their women. Luckily, there’s another payoff to your flattery: He’s more likely to return those loving deeds back to you.

Secret 3. Take 10
Take 10 minutes a day to talk about anything — except for kids, responsibilities, or chores, Orbuch’s research showed that 98 percent of happy couples say they intimately understand their partners. And knowing your spouse intimately isn’t always about engaging in heavy conversations: Anything that helps you learn something new will bring you closer. You’ll get to know each other’s inner world and strengthen your bond of happiness.

Secret 4. Focus on the Good
Fixing what’s wrong is not the best way to work out relationship. “The most effective way to boost fun and passion is to add positive elements to your marriage,” Orbuch says. “That positive energy makes us feel good and motivates us to keep going in that direction.” This doesn’t mean that you can’t feel — or talk about — anything negative, but “pretend you are weighing your interactions on a scale,” she says. “If you want a happier relationship, the positive side needs to far outweigh the bad.” The more you honor the love and joy in your bond, the sooner you’ll transform your marriage into one that is truly great.

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