You may have heard the saying that nice guys finish last, but what about nice girls?

In this excerpt from her book Why Men Marry Bitches, author Sherry Argov reveals why men actually prefer a confident, secure woman (Argov’s definition of the word bitch) to one who lets her man take the reins in a relationship. She surveyed real men, who spilled exactly what makes or breaks their opinion of the women they meet — and it turns out that having your own life, making your own plans and not letting him win all the time only makes you more attractive.

So who says being a “bitch” is a bad thing? Not these guys! Here’s what they had to say:

• “The worst thing a woman can do is see a guy every night of the week. That’s how she becomes his good-time girl on his ‘reserve list.’ What will happen is, the guy will start coming over at nine o’clock and then he’ll leave by ten-thirty. If he gets access or what he wants from her anytime he wants it, he won’t have to lift a finger to keep it going.”
• “Men are competitive. When he buys a car that is a limited-edition model, he feels like he has something special. Guys in the street who race cars usually race for pink slips, because they want to win, conquer and take the other vehicle. That carries over to women. A woman who is easy won’t scratch his competitive itch. When she stops expressing her opinion and starts agreeing with everything he says, that’s usually when a man starts to feel bored.”
• “A woman should never go looking for him or chase him down at three different places where he said he might be having a drink. If he says, ‘Either I’ll be at the Cheesecake Factory or some bar on 26th,’ don’t try to track him down. If you want to be his ‘steady,’ let him come track you down.”"My fiancee was the first woman to put me in my place. She constantly reminds me, ‘Hey, nobody’s forcing you to stay.’ If I tried to BS my way out of a situation, she’d say, ‘Let me save you the time and energy. Don’t give me that s**t, because I ain’t buying it.’ I know if she caught me cheating she’d smack me over the head with a frying pan. And I respect her more than any woman I’ve ever known.”
• “If he can sum you up in one sentence, he’ll be bored.” Nuff said.
• “Confidence is when you don’t try to interpret or overly process everything that you are observing out loud. It prevents the relationship from progressing on a normal course. For example, every time I gave this woman flowers, she would remind me that her ex stopped bringing her flowers. What she really wanted to ask was whether I’d keep doing it in the future. That made me feel like she didn’t really enjoy the flowers or appreciate the present moment with me.”
• “A woman shouldn’t say, ‘You don’t call me enough,’ or, ‘You never tell me you love me.’ As a woman, your best asset is to be unpredictable. He should never be able to figure you out. When he can always predict what you are going to do next, you’ve lost him as a long-term partner. He’ll look for someone else whom he can’t understand or control.”
• “If she feels strongly about something, she’ll have a backbone. This woman is the woman he respects. Not a ‘melba toast’ cracker that crumbles with very little pressure.”
• “You have to seem like you aren’t giving yourself fully. ‘Here I am. Take me.’ Men want to be kept guessing. Think about it. When a guy picks out a movie, he wants to be on the edge of his seat from the very beginning. If someone doesn’t lose a limb or get shot and buildings aren’t blown up all within the first 20 minutes, he’ll think he got cheated out of 20 bucks.”
• “A woman shouldn’t even crack a joke about marriage. I was on a second date with a girl, and we are both from Ireland. Back home we have a saying, ‘If you kiss me you are going to have to marry me.’ If you have the desire to get married, never let a man know that up front. If you do, it’s the same as handing him a manual and telling him exactly how to dangle a carrot and play on your weaknesses.”

Somewhere on the long list of things men don’t understand about women is a woman’s tendency to treat her man like a child, which usually happens at the first indication of a committed relationship. During the casual dating/courtship phase, she may be independent, flexible and accommodating, but as soon as you’re committed, a switch flips in her head and she turns into your second mother and treats you like a child. There are benefits to this transformation (nurturing affection tops the list), but there are also drawbacks, like nagging and lecturing.

Ultimately, this mother/son dynamic can be the death of a romantic relationship: The person you have sex with should not remind you of the person who gave birth to you. So, how can you nip her motherly behavior in the bud and get back to a loving, equal partnership? Read on to learn what to do when she treats you like a child.
Her maternal instinct.

As much as some women would like to fight against their inherent biology, they were made to bear and raise children. When women don’t have children of their own, they tend to project all their nurturing instincts toward the closest person in need, which, in this case, is you. Not all women are destined to or even want to be mothers, but most women have the capacity and even the drive to take care of something or someone. When this comes in the form of making you soup when you’re sick or listening to your troubles after a long day at work, it is most welcome. When it results in repeated requests for you to cut your hair already or pick up your socks, it may bring out the teenager in you.

What to do: When she treats you like a child, you can counteract the negative results of her maternal instinct by acting like a man. She is less likely to think of you as a child if you regularly demonstrate that you are strong, independent and self-sufficient.
Her mother

The deciding factor when it comes to whether your girl’s care-taking tendencies come out as the over-bearing, nagging mother complex or the soft, caring mommy incarnation is what kind of mother she grew up with herself. Women tend to carry on the traits they learn from their mothers, no matter how hard they may try not to — and when she treats you like a child, this isn’t always a good thing. This doesn’t mean that you’re destined to be with the mirror image of your potential future mother-in-law (and if she’s a real bat, you have our pity), but chances are good that your girl has picked up at least a few of her tricks. On the other hand, if her mom is warm, open and bakes you cookies, you should marry that girl immediately because that kind of mother-in-law is few and far between.
What to do: If your girl is starting to display the negative characteristics she has learned from her mother, point it out to her. If she is one of the many women who doesn’t want to end up like her mother, this should be enough to set her straight. You could even agree on a quick code word that you can use when she’s throwing a mom fit, like referring to her by her mom’s name.
You asked for it

Naturally, another potential reason for her to treat you like a child is because you’re acting like one. It’s no secret that women mature faster than men, so you and she may not be on the same page when it comes to maturity levels. You may want to pull a teenage rebellion fit when she tells you there isn’t enough money in your budget to buy a PlayStation 3, but keep in mind that the more you act like you’re 12, the greater the chance she’s going to pull out her mom look and stare you down.

What to do:Act your age and the nagging should subside. If you can rationally explain your behavior or desires, do so. If, however, you can’t come up with any adult reason for them, just cut it out.
Looking out for you

Whether it comes out as nurturing or nagging, in most cases it comes from a place of genuine affection. If she didn’t care so much about you she wouldn’t bother to lecture you on how much fast food you’ve been eating. Just remind her, calmly and without a confrontational attitude, that you are an adult and fully capable of making your own decisions. Add that you very much value her advice and appreciate her help and you’ll earn major relationship brownie points in the process. Sometimes her reminders are genuinely helpful; try to see them for what they are and don’t overreact.