Erotic intelligent people should have better sex, says a U.S. sexologist. In search of wisdom fit for fun editor Franziska Wischmann has done research in the past.
So Tom. I met him after my studies in Berlin. My then boyfriend received his doctorate in Switzerland and was far away. At first I could not stand Tom: He was two years younger, my trainers and damned arrogant. But it also irritated me. And at some point it tipped between us. We chatted for hours, met with nightly bouts of red wine in the park, and what was the strongest terms: We never touched us. No hand that got lost, no kiss, nothing. I had betrayed my friend and have never guessed, however, that long ago it was too late. Four months we persevered. The bodies of the highest excitement, the dopamine level at the stop. Until we attacked each other in a mixture of fear, self-indulgent bad conscience and unbridled lust.
Back to the past
But how do you find out what you need and above all, how you need it? Morin has for one simple tip: Dive into the past! Focus on the most exciting encounter of your life, remember as much detail as possible! Thank you, Tom, for this once exciting experience! Critical look at in the rear view mirror is sexual, understanding patterns of their own volition to get into central erotic. Why is this or that encounter was so exciting? How big was this excitement compared to your usual level? What feelings were important: Exuberance? Satisfaction? Neighborhood? Fear? Guilt? Anger? Recognition?
Excitement to the max
Without me being aware of it, I had seen Tom with what Jack brings to Morin following formula: Attraction + obstacle = excitement. The higher the threshold, the wind is about to, the greater the desire – and desire. So feel out what adversities the intensity of your erotic flights have increased Find. To prevent misunderstandings like: Sexual Intelligence does not have to sit in the basement of the mind. But it requires its own personality to put the erotic – and possibly also with her own small and large chasms. It may find it difficult, this ambiguity, this tight connection between good sex and “bad” behavior to accept – but filled sex gets only who taboos sometimes ignore can and accepts that voluptuous eroticism its not dark side correctly can have political level and sometimes you have: in my case, the fraud on their own partners.But any feeling that should actually inhibit the excitation turns out to be the appropriate situation suddenly as in a double sense uncanny pleasure maker. Feelings of guilt and fear, old wounds and conflicts can arouse violently. For with the myth of romantic merger, the eternal imperishable delight in, or the one concedes Morin mercilessly on: “In fact, it can be extremely interesting to be sexual, be one too, but one to be and to stay is not determined a cause – at least not permanently.
“By no means,” psychologist contradicts Thomas Zimmermann, at the University Hospital in Hamburg. His credo: “The only chance for a fulfilling sex life is to get dirty thoughts to keep his.” And let no one and say come, which would concern only the lords of creation, power is, for example, 56 percent of women in their sexual fantasies a topic. If your sex life exciting is to remain so, you must bridge the gap between intimate head of cinema that you sensuality limits donated without, and reality are not intended to be great lived.
Thought Prison
Erotic Intelligent whistle therefore false morality: they are in a thought-prison block in the belief that the more decent people out of them would make one. Thomas Zimmermann: “Sexual dissatisfaction arises not because the mechanics is wrong, but because they are fantasies each transient can not.” Why is your say, share with each other you wish to search and find new erotic intersections of your partnership! Sure, those transgressions in dialogue need courage, confidence, especially self-confidence before. But you accept simple: our desires and needs in the bed are as individual as the iris of our eyes.
And after all, 60 percent of our most exciting experiences horizontal, so a poll, find partners rather than to which there is a relationship – whether friendship, friendship, or love. The great desire in no way lives in cloud cuckoo land, it is equal to “next door” at home. As the history is gone with Tom, you want to know? We had a brief but highly erotic affair. I’m friend returned – my survives then our relationship has the tides of life, however. And Tom has become gay.
Role of the obstacle
What role does the obstacle, not a goal to come to the right away? It increases the excitement, the fire, the desire. Seducer and seduced are involved in an interaction. Who does what next? What is the next step? Seduction also has something to do with the awakening of needs with which it can satisfy the abuser.
Intelligently sexy?
Can we learn to be intelligent to sexy? Of course. Just as it is possible to get to know themselves, to improve its visibility. It is a social technology, so it is also learned. Although there is already sufficiently proven mating rituals in the animal kingdom, but the human spectrum is larger. Seduction takes acumen, patience, stamina, ability, one can make traps, few.
Stay in a relationship?
Is it possible, erotically intelligent to stay in a relationship? A relationship satisfied intersections of sexuality, for the erotic spectrum is individual – just as language, appearance, stature. The individual desires realized and unrealized practices are part of the spectrum as well as the ex-relationship, masturbation and fantasies that someone has, but still never want to live.
Talk straight
How important is the ability to talk straight? That’s a prerequisite for this and she/he needs to know their own wishes. The next aspect is trust in the counterpart. No one wants to expose to ridicule. Inhibitions may also order protective shield behind which to crawl out far. It also needs a partner who does not exploit the vulnerability.
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